Stories from the Registry
Evidence shows that registries do more harm than good to registrants, their families, and even the public. The general public, in most cases, is mostly unaware of the true damage the registry is causing including to their own misguided sense of security. The stigma and label applied has demonized a population that continues to grow at an existential rate to include even children and offenders with convictions it was never even intended. The stories told here shed a light on a very neglected and shadowed area of our society, but these are people who are fathers or mothers, husbands or wives, brothers or our sisters, our friends, and our neighbors. This page is dedicated to all of them and their families. They come from many areas across our state and from many diverse walks of life. We offer you the voices of the voiceless and an insight into the lives on the registry.
MY STORY
By Eric T...
I was born in Northern California in 1980 about 80% deaf in both ears. I wore hearing aids to help me hear and read lips to communicate. For the first ten years of my childhood, I grew up in an abusive home. My meth addict stepfather was responsible for the horror I suffered as a child. He abused me in every way a person can imagine. I was beaten, molested, and psychologically abused. I was always told I was worthless and was never going to amount to anything most of my childhood. I also witnessed my mother get beaten and terrorized. My mother was abused by her own father and never felt like she was worth much herself. It was hard for my mother to show love to me or support me growing up. All I ever wanted was love and support, but because I was deaf, she never thought I would be able to succeed or take care of myself. This left a hole in me, feeling like I was worthless.
I moved to the suburbs of Kansas City, MO when I was 11 years old. I used my anger on the football field and while running track. I was being rewarded by taking out my anger in a positive way. Instead of getting in trouble with the law, I was hitting people on the football field as hard as I could and being rewarded for it. This resulted in 38 division one scholarship offers across America. When I was 13 years old, I saw a newspaper article about a deaf football player named Kenny Walker. He played for the University of Nebraska and was an All American. He also played professional football for the Denver Broncos. This gave me hope that I could one day play at the same level as he did. All my life I was told I couldn’t do this because I was deaf, and I couldn’t do that because I was deaf. When I read that article, I said to myself, if he can do it, then I can do it too. I decided to dedicate myself to football and do whatever it took to get to the next level. I made sure I got good grades and worked out three times a day. Still, along the way, many tried to derail my dreams and put me down every chance they could.
I came to the University of Oklahoma in 1999 as a member of Coach Bob Stoops first recruiting class. I was in awe of the rich history and tradition of the football program. I had a feeling that if I came to the University of Oklahoma, we were going to do something great. Sure enough, we won the Big XII Championship and the National Championship in 2000. I started out playing linebacker and was moved to defensive end. I was a backup, but I got a lot of playing time. During the OU-Texas game in 2000 at the Cotton Bowl, I was playing against an offensive lineman by the name of Leonard Davis. He was 6’10” and 378 lbs. Late in the third quarter, I got blindsided by Leonard Davis, and I felt a pop in my head. The medical staff and I thought I just had a concussion, but something was wrong. I was getting headaches, nausea, dizziness, and spots in my vision. As the season progressed, I was struggling just to make it through practice.
When the season ended, the doctors took an MRI of my head and found a hole in my ear canal. After this, the doctors told me that my football career was over. Now that my football career was over, I no longer had football to distract me from my past. I started to sink down the rabbit hole, into my depression and became a drug addict to ease the pain. Despite all the success in the world, I really didn’t have any family to share it with. I had many friends that tried to fill that role, but I was still hung up on the past and pushed everyone away. I was throwing away a promising future and started making one bad choice after another. By some miracle, I still managed to graduate from college. I became a functioning addict. I published an autobiography called “Silent Thunder” and traveled as a professional speaker to support my habit. I was inspiring other people, but I could not inspire myself.
As I started going down the wrong path, I started thinking and doing illegal things. I would be deeply ashamed and felt guilt for thinking and doing these things. Many times, I considered suicide because I never really wanted to hurt anyone. I was arrested with three counts of lewd conduct with a minor and one count of possession of child pornography. To make matters worse, it was my best friend’s underage daughter. I was so racked with guilt and remorse for my behavior that I should do the world a favor and end my life. I took responsibility for my actions and confessed to my sins. I was sentenced to 10 years in prison and 20 years of probation. I thought my life was over. I fell from the top to the very bottom.
I never really had much of a relationship with my biological Father who never saw me play sports and was an alcoholic. He was in and out of prison all my childhood. When I was arrested, he reached out to me while he was in prison and said he still loved me. We were both locked up in prison at the same time. For five years, we wrote back and forth to each other and mended fences with each other. In 2015, he died of cancer. Before he died, he told me on the phone that he was ready to meet his maker and was at peace. He made me promise to give God a chance. After he passed, I was using drugs in prison. One day I was tired of being a slave to my addiction and started thinking about what my father told me before he passed. I asked myself who I want to be when I walk out that gate. I knew, if I didn’t change, I might as well turn around and walk right back in when I was released. So, I began to think some more and realized that all my life I was trying to do everything on my own. At this moment, I also realized that I can’t do everything on my own. Three years ago, I gave myself to Jesus Christ. It felt as if the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. I no longer felt depressed, and I stopped taking medication. I forgave everyone, who hurt me when I was younger, and freed myself from my anger. I was finally able to break free from addiction. My head injury started to feel better, to the point I started working out again.
God had turned my life around for the better. Despite the challenges of being labeled a “sex offender”, I am optimistic and hopeful for the future. Hand Up Ministries, Inc. gave me a wonderful place to come to and have a great staff of Christian brothers. Today, I will always walk the path that God wants me to go. All things are possible through Christ. God Bless.
MY STORY
By Regina M...
I did everything I was supposed to. I got good grades. I helped my friends and family. I didn’t get into trouble. I went to college, married a hard-working man and started a family. My mistake was believing my mother when she said depression ran in our family, and I was destined to need antidepressants and trusting a doctor who prescribed them (Paxil) to me for stress.
For the first few years, all they did was make me emotionally numb, which I thought meant they were working. But about five years into taking them the personality changes started to really show. I became very aggressive, angry, selfish, loud, manipulative, had symptoms of mania, and what people would generally call “crazy”.
I was a high school teacher and thought students were my best friends. I did what I wanted to whenever I wanted to with no regard for anyone else’s wants, needs, opinions, or feelings. I started having trouble sleeping so my doctor prescribed Ambien, which only made my behavior worse. Most of the time things didn’t even seem real, like I was living in a dream. When I was angry, which was often, I would cause scenes and throw things. If someone confronted me, I screamed in their faces. I had to be right about everything and could never be convinced I was wrong. I stalked people and couldn’t understand why everyone didn’t want to be my friend.
A student finally decided that I had to be stopped, so he said the one thing guaranteed to get a teacher fired or make them quit, saying that we’d had sex. I was arrested six weeks after I resigned without ever being questioned by the police. I was honest with my lawyers about my behavior and my prescription drug issues, but they didn’t want to mention it to anyone, even though I (and the people who really know me) knew my behavior while on Paxil and Ambien was not the real me.
My lawyers told me I had a 50/50 chance of going to prison and should take the plea deal. I was in withdrawal at the time and wasn’t sure I could even take the stand to defend myself. They told me I would probably just have to do mail-in probation and might not even have to register as a sex offender. That wasn’t true. When I got to the courthouse, the paperwork was already completed, and my lawyer told me if I didn’t sign that day there wouldn’t be another plea offer, and I would probably go to prison, so I signed.
I was arrested in October of 2006 and started tapering off Paxil in January of 2007 (after months of research on tapering and withdrawal). I found an online forum of people who also had horrific experiences from SSRI antidepressants who helped me navigate the tapering process and withdrawal symptoms. I became free of Paxil on August 25, 2007, a day I call my rebirthday. I had withdrawal for about two years after and my behavior and personality slowly returned to the real me.
In my research I also discovered several other cases like mine, female teachers taking antidepressants that completely changed their personalities and were accused of inappropriate relationships with students. In fact, in most cases the accused teacher was on psychotropic medications. There is also an ever-growing compilation of research linking uncharacteristic criminal behavior to psychotropic medication use in general. Every lawyer I’ve spoken to confirmed they’ve had cases where it was a factor.
The FDA approval process for all medications requires only an 8-week drug trial that’s provided by the drug company itself. Most side effects are reported after the drug is approved by consumers taking the medication. Over the years these reports have resulted in drug companies being forced to acknowledge behavior changes in their advertisements and prescribing information.
I know what happened to me is hard to believe, and if I hadn’t lived it, I probably wouldn’t believe it either. That’s why I’m sharing my story because we all need to bring awareness to prevention and causation so we can stop stories like ours from happening. If I can in some small way stop situations like mine, then telling my story is worth it.
Have a story you would like to tell? Contact us today and let us know. We look forward to hearing from you.